How to Have Difficult Conversations with Parents About Child Behavior
Knowing how to talk with parents about child behavior is one of the most challenging — and most important —skills an early childhood educator can develop. Difficult conversations can feel uncomfortable, but when approached with empathy, clear communication, and a shared focus on the child's success, they become opportunities to build trust and create lasting positive change.
Do you have a four-year-old in class still tantruming at the word no? You just know it’s the parents! I remember my first SST (success team meeting) years ago with a director of mine and a couple of parents about the behavior of their struggling child. Somehow by the end, my director, Mrs. P., had managed to communicate to the couple the error of their ways, what would best benefit them and their child and create a plan of action- all while making sure we all knew we were on the same team. How can we replicate those results? After years of practice, here are the essential keys I found to having success in difficult parent conversations.
Build a Partnership Around the Child's Success
Parents will feel so much more supported if the approach is coming from a position of the child’s best interest. This doesn’t mean ignoring in a way that down plays how disruptive a behavior is in a classroom and leaving teachers feeling unheard. A happy, healthy functioning whole child developed in all domains is best for first and foremost the child as well as their entire support system.
Lead with Observations, Documentation, and Developmental Data
Parents are a lot more responsive to studies and numbers than accusations or fault finding. Mrs. P. was a master. At no point did she say “Your child isn’t where he should be.” She explained the data on milestones and let them make their own comparisons. She also explained the three recognized parenting styles: permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative. She described the statistics on life success based on parenting styles and then asked them what style they saw themselves in.
Ask Questions to Understand the Root Cause
This was great progress, but not deep enough to get to the heart. Mrs. P pivoted right away into asking the couple how they thought they were parented as children. Aha! There it was. The real root issue was not that they didn’t know how or want to tell their child no. It was that they didn’t know what to do with the emotions when they did. Information and support > judgement.
Create a Clear, Collaborative Action Plan
After that, we put together a plan collaboratively. The plan needs to be step by step specific, realistic and the results measurable. When little R. does ________, we will _______. Lastly, how were we as a team going to follow up together to ensure real progress? We weren’t going to check in ON them. We were going to compare notes with them as a team.
Working Together Helps Children Thrive
In conclusion, come at it from the child’s best perspective with a unified support system, refer to data and statistics only, ask questions that get to the root cause, and be detailed with the plan of action.
Every child thrives when educators and families work together. The People Grower equips schools, teachers, and parents with practical strategies through consulting, professional development, curriculum support, and parent education. Learn more about how we can support your team.
